Diary of the self.

"Just a cut, just a scratch.
What's that mark?
'It was the cat'.
Just an excuse, just a lie.
What's with all the bracelets?
'Just fashion,why?'
Just a tear, just a scream.
Why were you crying?
'Just a bad dream'.
It's not just a cut or a tear or a lie.
It's just one more until you die.

I lay there bare breasted under a full moon,
looking at the stars.
While wishing the guy next to me
Would see my scars.
Little did he know,
I lounged on a Nebula,
Laughing like stardust in a galaxy no eyes has ever known.

It was his vulnerability that allowed me to soften for him and gave way to these waves that flooded between my legs.
On that magical night, I lost my best friend 'cos we now had "benefits".
But I also made a new friend.

No guy's jawline could ever match his sharp edges.
No man could enter my body like he did.
The ecstasy I felt every time he touched my skin,
Others would consider this as sin.
My body was his canvas
My blood the paint
I am glad I never did faint.

God forgot to complete sculpting me and
This I gave him a chance of touching me.
He was the only friend who stayed, my blade!

If the Moon can have scars, then so can I.
I once loved a guy who left me alone like the Moon dull and dry.
And I made sure I won't cry,
But rather, bleed and die.
"Fake smiles,dried eyes.
Scratched wrists, bruised thighs.
White pills, rope tied.
Gun loaded, suicide."
If I jump, let me sink
If I cut, let me bleed &
If I hang, let me defy gravity.

You make us slit our wrists,
Cut our thighs, hang the ropes, sob and cry.
Take the pills, gun to head,
Congrats society, now we're dead.

We are all looking for some magic.
But little Alice fell down the hole, bumped her head & bruised her soul.
If you think 'cutting' is horrible, then again, so am I.

Self mutilation, scar after scar.
Empty and hollow, won't go far.
Hannah Baker had 13 reasons why, but I have a million reasons why.

In the end, I'm just a suicidal kid asking you to hold onto life.
Because, the sun is up, the sky is blue, it's beautiful and so are you.

😊